I’ve read some comments to a posting on another blended family FB page recently that really disturbed me. I know, I really shouldn’t read the comments, but I did. The original post was promoting the Blending Families material (and of course I can’t find it now to link it here) that we are using in our small group. Have you had people tell you you’re an adulterer because you remarried after a divorce? Some of the comments were so much worse than that, and much more vile and nasty, but that was the basic gist of most of the negative comments. I’m grateful that no one has said this about me (at least, not to my face). How would you respond if they did?
The God that I believe in and the God that I serve is a forgiving, loving and merciful God. That doesn’t mean He doesn’t discipline His children, but He sent His Son to die for my sins. The Bible doesn’t say He only died for some of my sins. He died for ALL of them.
So are we living in sin?
The short answer….yes. But aren’t we all? None of us are perfect, and I’m sure that I sin on a daily basis. I’m not saying it’s okay to knowingly sin – it’s not, but God gives us grace and mercy, even though we don’t deserve it.
Sin breaks God’s heart, whether that’s the sin of divorce, adultery, lying, stealing….all sin breaks His heart.
Divorce happens for a variety of reasons, and it is not my place to judge whether that was right or wrong in any specific situation. I will say, if my friends or family were to ask my advice, I would always encourage them to work through the hard stuff in their marriage and figure out what it takes to make it work. But I also recognize that sometimes, divorce isn’t even your choice, and sometimes, there are no other options.
For the sake of argument, let’s assume that remarriage after divorce is a sin. What do you do then? I certainly don’t believe that divorcing your current spouse would be the answer to the question of whether remarriage after divorce is a sin. How would that please God? As with any other sin, you acknowledge you’ve messed up, you ask God for forgiveness (and perhaps the person you sinned against as well). According to 1 John 1:9, God then forgives us and cleanses us!
“If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”
1 John 1:8-9 NLT
So if someone tells you that you’re a sinner, remind them that we are ALL sinners, but that you have found forgiveness for all of your sins.
“He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.”
Psalms 103:3 NLT
Once you’ve found forgiveness, it’s time to change your life. Just because God is forgiving doesn’t mean that we keep sinning the same sin and ask for forgiveness afterwards. It means that we turn our hearts away from the sin and towards God; it’s a life change, and that means we need to change our behaviors. I believe the best way that we can show this in a remarriage after divorce is to do marriage God’s way this time. Do your best to follow God’s directions for your life. Do what is right, love mercy, and walk humbly with God.
“No, O people, the LORD has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”
Micah 6:8 NLT
Let your remarriage be a testimony to show how God can change lives. Be an example of a Godly marriage for your children, family and friends. God can use your life to help others, and He can make beauty from ashes.